It's finally sinking in

it's over.

It's been a great run, and if I could go back and redo the past three years of being a part of this team I don't think I would change one damn thing.

I won't lie I gave up touches, I blew bouts I could have won, I wasn't perfect. but I always came through in the end.

I caught up with everyone else. Tim, Kevin, Austin, they all had a years head start on me and they all got lessons outside of practice. not me. I wish I could have, maybe I could have, but my brother always had something going on for lacrosse or there was something long term that would get in the way. but despite their head start I caught up and I held my own. I proved myself time and time again, I caught up maybe even surpassed some of them.

if i could change something I would have started freshman year.

other than that though i have no regrets. I worked my way up from nothing but potential to the point where I was the one who kept us in state teams until the very end. did I mention that? at the start of my 2nd and 3rd bouts we were down by one win, and my victory in those bouts tied us up with NFA both times.

I was the only one to get two wins against NFA.

Kevin was so close but at the end with a 4 1 lead two sayings collided, "pride cometh before the fall" and "it ain't over till the fat lady sings". when the score reached 4 4 it was already over for us.

it's an unfortunate habit of Kevin's I recently picked up on, if something fails he will try it over and over again until it works even if it costs him the bout. I noticed it first when I got past his flicks the other day, when I beet him for the first time. then I saw it again at the start of states when he was warming up he did the same thing with Tim. then in that last bout he just kept doing the same thing over and over. but like Albert Einstein said "insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results" or something like that anyway. well he was right. the results were the same each time Kevin tried his infighting move the difference in the score's got smaller.

so we lost, the rides over, I've had my fun and now I've got to move on.

I don't want to move on, these people, this team, they have been such a huge part of my life that I hate to think that after this we will all be going our own ways, that I might never see some of them again after this year. I hate it!

this isn't some massive group with 20 or 30 people plus as many over for jv and novice. it's 16 fencers and 3 coaches 4 if you count Bronwin's Dad. I don't want to say goodbye to any of them!

they made me who I am today, especially coach Floyd and coach Lindenberger. but also Austin, Kevin, Tim, Patrick, Sarah, Colin, Bronwin, Ben, Kyle, "armorer" Ashly, Elizabeth, Dave, Paty, Addy, Andrew, Rob, Sarah W, Timmy, Conway, Erin, hell even the insanely annoying Dru and the downright insane Zack, have played a part in making me who I am today.

Damn Snow!!!!!!!!!!!

snow continues to iinterupt our practices and this is the week before our most critical and dificult meet I'm pissed I'm ripped and I'm sick. not only that but my computer is caput so i'm postimg this from my kindle I'm not happy about any of this

Dealing with A-holes

Richard (last name omitted for the simple fact that it is my policy not to use last names on my blog) although anyone from my school will know who I'm talking about if I say pickle boy.

anyway

Richard decided to make an ASS of himself today (not a task he finds particularly difficult). now on a normal day I don't see or talk to this piece of shit. but today I happened to pass him in the hallway on my way to the cafe. I had my Letterman Jacket draped over my shoulder with the words (school name) Fencing embroidered on the back were facing out. as he passed me in the hallway he asked "hey why is fencing on that jacket?" not understanding why he was asking such a stupid question I replied "because fencing is my sport." his answer was "that's what I mean fencing isn't a sport." he kept right on walking down the hallway so that I had to yell at his back "yes it is you piece of shit!"

WHAT THE HELL! I was just minding my own business and he goes out of his way to piss me off! I don't even really know this guy!

why am I bitching about this here? because If i talked about it on facebook my coach would tell me to ignore stupid people, my aunt's and uncles would tell me to let it go and some people might just say I was making a mountain out of a mole hill while others would just agree the guy is an A-hole. since I just need to vent and not get preached at for venting I decided this belonged here. besides it's related to fencing and it's one of those things I call insanity.

oh completely unrelated but positive note Sarah D. (from now on If I say Sarah it means Sarah D. since Sarah W. quite this year) found another girl for the team so it looks like we are in the clear for now.

Walking Away

If anything is gauranteed to piss me off it is having an adult especially a family member talk down to me like I'm some stupid kid who doesn't understand their responsibilities.

I'm not a kid. yes every kid says that, and they say it again and again and again, at some point it becomes true. even if I'm not an adult, I am certainly not a kid anymore.

So when anyone talks to me like a kid that is a huge insult to my pride. I need my pride. to throw it away would be to throw myself away and become a brain dead vegatable.

So what do I do? I walk away. I'm not going to sit there and be insulted. and they wouldn't get it even if I explained it so I walk away. if they find that insulting, to F'ing bad. That just makes us even.

Confidential Confessions

that's the name of a manga which just became my favorite book of all time. It's a series which focuses on major issues that apply to modern day teenagers. I've read three story arks so far the first one was about suicide and made me super depressed the second was about teenage prostitution and that one left me with feelings that were a mixture of sadness and hope. the third one was about sexual harassment and it carried me from begging to end on a whirlwind of emotion. you want proof that manga are more than just comic books go to manga fox read "Confidential confessions" volume 2 "Tears" even though it's from a girls POV this is still the most emotionally moving piece of fiction I have ever read.

my English teacher talked about how people are moving toward the instant gratification of images and away from imagination and books. well this manga uses images to make it's message more powerful. that's just it they are not just out there for kids they are amazing literary and artistic masterpieces that should be respected and acknowledged. not condemned as comic books.

are some of them crap? duh but aren't some books crap as well? how many dime store novels with only slightly different fantasy plots revolving around a knight dragon and princess are there in this world? some of the more popular ones are praised like the lord of the rings and Eragon, well the Japanese produced plenty of series with action and plots that are twenty times as original. I dare you to find me a novel about pirates as good as one piece or a fantasy about magic as good as fairy tale, ok hairy potter maybe but fairy tale makes me lough more. most people don't appreciate that. then again most people don't even read. and there I go off on another rant again.

sorry I guess I'm just venting over the fact that manga aren't more widely excepted. but whatever I'm not gonna let any ones opinion change my reading preference.

One of Those Days

This has been one of those days where you learn something that makes you feel guilty for having an easy life, a life where the only thing you have to worry about is whether or not you did well on a test, or whether or not you will win some game. compared to my tiny troubles their are people in this world who have to worry about whether or not they will live to see tomorrow. Invisible Children came to our school and gave a presentation today and I coldn't even make a donation because I didn't have any money with me. uh right the invisble children are these kids in Uganda who have been ubducted by the Lords Revolutionary Army led by Joseph Kony, the kids are threatend with death and some are forced to kill their own family members they are taking perfectly normal 11 year old kids and turning them into murders. I'm gonna come right out and say this any country worth living in should be pitching in to put an end to this in fact they should already have been doing so for a long time. Find the leader of these child ubducting mass murdering genocidal bastards, Joseph Kony. send in a couple teams of snipers or get his location and fire a predator missles at him and end it. it's been going on for more than 20 years already. and even though i'm 17 i'm only hearing about it now way to go American media you couldn't aford to mention something this important?! Screw the trial, guys like this need to die, end of discussion. He would get the death sentance anyway, so just save some time, and some lives, and rid this world of this demon.

Morons!!!!

to anyone out their reading this who thinks they know Jack about sword fighting and they do not fence or do something based on sword fighting. I am here to inform you that you are WRONG!!!! Foil's are based on one of the most fast paced types of sword fighting. claymore's, and broadswords are slow by comparison. why you ask? because those are primarily slashing weapons and a rapier is a very light weight thrusting weapon, and any fencer who can't land a touch before someone swings a broadsword needs to retire, because a lunge should take less than 1 sec. so all the people in my 4th block class. I would own you in a sword fight. end of discussion.

My Weekend

so basically my weekend went like this

watched Dr. horribles Sing along blog like 3 time because it was awesome despite the name sounding lame.

spent a lot of time on Onemanga.com reading "One Piece".

watched my brother play lacrosse, which is always great.

went to my uncle's birthday party and had to spend time around their "friends" some of whom are OK and some of whom are evil people hiding behind a religious veil. if that sounds dramatic I'm sorry but i need to explain that there are at least two very bad things that can happen because of religion, the first is that people who are, not exactly abusive but shall we say, they take excessive physical action in order to make children "behave", the second is that good people can become closed minded and except anyone who is devoutly religious as a good person without looking at there character.

both of those traits were evident at this party. i wont go into the details but i swear if i ever catch that guy in the act of doing anything harmful to my little cousins i will take full advantage of the opportunity and tell him "exactly" what i think of him, and if he gives me an excuse i will flatten that Bastard! Maybe having a teenager beet the living Crap (which i am assuming has replaced his soul) out of him will teach him to play nice with little kids!

Ghaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!

this is driving me more insane than usual and i am totally giving myself heartburn all because my aunt and uncle have shitty choices when it comes to friends! Dammit!